Posts Tagged ‘memories’

End of an error…

Posted: October 18, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in getting in to the swing of it
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We’ve run out of ideas, the memories have faded, you’ve had all the answers, the imagination has run dry and now we can’t even afford to run the place anymore…

Why’s that?
Oh, didn’t I tell you? Someone burnt down the shop last night. Everything has gone.

Everything?
Yes, and as no one really understood us, so
no would insure us: we weren’t covered, which means all the money has gone.

So I’m not getting paid for this?
Have you ever?

No. So there really is no money?
It’s not as if we had much in the first place,
what we didn’t spend on rent and stock went
on damp-proof paint. The damp won’t be a problem anymore after a fire like that but at least no one was hurt. Someone told me that
Steve the damp patch had already gone away on gap year.

So what now, start again?
To be honest with you, we’ve only got two thoughts to rub together: Who would do such a thing like this? What are we going to do now?

We could have a whip-round, or get a loan from the bank…
No one is going to give us the time of day, let alone some money. We’ve got nothing of value to act as security.

Wait, what about the original idea for sliced bread? Wasn’t that kept in a fire-proof box? We could dig that out of the wreckage and use it as security – why are you shaking your head? No, don’t tell me it was caught in the fire too?
Yes, it was.

The idea for sliced bread – I’m afraid that’s toast.

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INTELLECTUAL LOST PROPERTY

Posted: August 2, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , ,

You should get yourself an umbrella with all this rain, you’re physically soaked.

It’s better than being mentally drained. Now, tell me about your childhood…
Is this an interview or have you suddenly become a psychiatrist?You do know that psychiatrists reckon they still don’t know what 90% of the brain is used for – rubbish! It is human nature to fill things up. How many people do you know that have got a cupboard that is only half-full? If there’s room to store things, we will.

Are you implying that we do use the full capacity of our brains?
Every last neuron.

But there’s billions of them, how can we possibly know so much?
Now there’s the thing, see, because we do actually take in and remember all the information that we see / hear / smell / touch / taste (and that sixth sense) around us but the problem we just can’t process it all. It’s all still up there, in your head, but you just don’t know how to access it.

changing childhood memory

This is not an umbrella!
– childhood memories can change with time

But you do?
Naturally. I’m the one with the shop seliing ideas
and the like…

So the brain is like a big damp warehouse?
Yes, with stuff all over the place but you aren’t able to employ enough staff to sort it out. And some of the mindstuff at the edges touches the walls, gets damp and goes a bit wonky – that’s how we misunderstand things, some call it warped ideas – well, you should discard those thoughts and concentrate on the good stuff but there’s too much of it. With the sheer amount of raw information we store, no wonder the mind becomes overwhelmed. Stuff naturally gets lost – and that, my friend, is how we forget things.

So the bits we remember are neat and tidy?
Yes, if you can recall it you know exactly where it is in your mind, all labelled up nicely.

And the bits we’ve forgotten just disappear?
No, it’s still in your head somewhere, you can’t get rid of it. I’m no scientist but basic physics states that energy cannot be destroyed, it just changes into something else.

Like what?
I dunno, it just gets jumbled up. That’s why old people get confused; if you’re trying to recall a childhood memory and all you can conjure up is a definition of an umbrella you’re going to have trouble communicating, aren’t you?

Yes, obviously.
That’s why it’s good to keep the mind active – move your thoughts about. If all the old thoughts just get new ones dumped on top, pretty soon you’re going to build up a heap of stuff you’re never going to be able to understand. And it doesn’t go away. The thought process works just like geology.

You mean ideas rock?
No, metamorphic rocks. All those childhood memories buried at the bottom of the pile are going to be under a lot of heat and pressure from the later ones stacked on top. Every child knows that from geography classes that heat plus pressure over time equals change – metamorphosis – that is why when you go searching for that childhood memory, all you can come up with is the definition of an umbrella, because it’s changed.

Right. It’s started raining again. Have you got an umbrella I could use?
Did I ever tell you about the time when I was a kid..?

THE SWEET SMELL

Posted: June 14, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
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Picture this in an anxious moody black & white:

The photographer was a bit late for ‘autumnal glade’.
You take what you can get these days.

An autumnal glade, dappled sun on warm skin, moisture on a leaf – dripping, the fresh scent of rotting wood – Gueles de bois.

“Avez-vous la Gueles de bois?”

That’s our latest ad: remember I was talking about smell being an aide memoire? Well, we’re launching a perfume, except this one’s got the memories already built in to it.

And how do you think that’s going to go down?
Like everything we touch here, it will turn to gold. Eventually.

How can you be so sure?
Because I’ve smelled success before, I know what it’s like, albeit briefly.

Go on then, what happened?
Well, I was just about to taste success when my Mum came and took the bottle away from me: “What are you doing with that? It’s not yours.”

My parents were a bit strict like that. And a bit tight as it happens, always keeping stuff for special occasions which mostly never happened. That bottle of success sat in a dusty cupboard for years. They left it to my brother, he’s a writer, does all these stories based on dreams.

Any good?
I don’t know, he’s still researching. So I borrowed the bottle back off him. The basic scent is what we based our perfume on, so it’s bound to be a success. Have a whiff.

Stale peanuts, disappointment, a hint of damp – have you smelled this?
I can’t be held responsible for what beloved memories that smell has triggered, in your own head be it. Besides perfumes make me sneeze.

But you said the perfume already has the memories built in to it.
Fair point. It’s whatever we can’t sell, you know: dribs and drabs, the stuff left over, the offal of the mind. In the butcher trade they’d make sausages with the left-overs, in our game we make perfume.

It smells like the butcher had a say in your scent too.
He had nothing to do with it, it’s all my idea, at least one of the ideas we had kicking around ‘aat back’.

And you do know that ‘gueles de bois’ means hangover in French,
that your ad is asking “do you have a hangover?”
Well that could be quite apt, I’ve just got another idea, let’s go to the pub and do some research.


RUNNING OUT OF ROSE TINT

Posted: June 7, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , , , ,

We’re getting a bit low on ideas here at the shop which is just as well because we need the shelf space: in this period of uncertainty, more and more people are wanting to feel safe and secure – we’ve had a run on memories of better times.

Isn’t nostalgia a way of suppressing the future?
It seems that everyone wants a future as much as they want nostalgia but they just don’t want to put in the effort. The fact is that ideas are hard work, they need time and nurturing and there’s no guarantee that they’ll come to anything.

Remember those English summers?
Of course you do.

What sort of memories do have in stock?
Lovely old ones, just ready for reliving. You see, a fresh good memory is cheaper because it’s like an uncut diamond – it’s nice but still raw,
a bit basic looking and rough round the edges – it could do with a time polish. The years do that to memories, takes all the harsh bits off, rounds them up nice and convenient, make them easier to dogest. We’ve got a load of these vintage memories, all different shades too.

You have different colours?
Yes, memories change colour, older living memories veer towards the rose end of the spectrum. Go even earlier to the memories handed down by your grandparents and you’ll find they’re all sepia. Eventually the colour drains out of memories completely, as time goes by you’re left with just black & white, and they’re usually stills. Some memories fade away completely.

Isn’t that sad?
No, because now we’ve got the technology to restore these memories. The Boi took a course. He’s never been busier, sorting out and up to his elbows in rose tint.

Isn’t that dishonest, adding the rose tint?
We’re in the business of restoration, you can’t let sentimentality get
in the way.

But isn’t that the whole point of fond memories?
People will pay a lot for fond memories, with the high demand and rising cost of rose tint, they’ll only get more expensive.

What about making our own happy memories?
Of what’s happening today? Have you seen what’s going on out there? It’s downright miserable, no one in their right mind will want to remember any of it. There’s no such thing as cheap family entertainment any more, rolling back the carpet to have a dance around the piano, these days it’s all about having a wii in front of the tele and that my friend costs money. And with the cut in benefits, gone are the days where we could all have a laugh at someone else’s expense. No, it’s kinder on the family budget to take home a couple
of our tinted memories – that’s the future.

But shouldn’t we be selling the idea of a different future?
Start your own shop then.

mind clearance offer

As everyone knows, when you’re stripping down a mind there are seven ‘lesser known’ areas you want to be aware of. What do you think they are?

Big ideas?
Yes, most people think you should start with the big ideas, common mistake, you can’t get past the copyright these days. So unless you want to get involved in a long and expensive lawsuit, don’t touch the big ideas. Guess again.

Long term memory?
Really? Have you got enough time?

Alright, short term memory?
No, that’s no good, it’s like the ‘basket only’ check-out at the supermarket,
seven items or less.

So what’s left?
Well, there’s all the stuff that’s been forgotten but that’s like sorting through
landfill – real hard work and it can get mucky; there are some things people want
to forget – don’t go digging it up again.

Okay, I give up, what are these ‘seven areas’ of the mind?
They are:

  • First Impressions – Initial thoughts, this is where you open up files on every new experience.
  • Second Thoughts – Doubting those first impressions.
  • Third Eye – Intuition, but you sensed you knew that already.
  • Fourth Place – Not meaning just outside the medal placings but the sense of place, kind of like an internal SatNav, and just like SatNav, you don’t always end up where you want to be.
  • Fifth – Sorry, that should read filth.
  • Sixth Sense – Where you see dead people.
  • Seventh Heaven – Belief systems. They’re like fashion only more long-term, in one era, out the next: the flat earth society had nowhere else to go, witchcraft is old hat and as for numerology – its days are numbered.

Groan. I don’t think I can take anymore. Please can I interview on another blog?
What’s wrong with this one?

You! Are you ever serious about anything?
Getting paid on time.

Are we too serious about everything?

mind clearance

A lot of people say to me: “You’re in the mind business, how does it work?” So, I tell them what goes on without droning on in too much detail but I find they ain’t really interested in the actual business, what they really want to know about is the mind itself, which is very commendable. So I think what they are really asking is:

What goes on up there?
As I’ve said before, I ain’t a scientist so I can’t give you all the specifics and fancy terms in Latin – you get it as I see it. Now, everyone knows that information comes into the brain via the sensory organs – ears, eyes, nose, etc. and the raw information is processed into a format that the mind can understand, like thoughts and memories, etc. You know all that already, so I won’t bother elaborating on that aspect further.

wind turbine

A still mind creates no wind.
- Persian proverb

How does the mind store information?
A lot of people say it’s like a sponge, soaking up stuff – information filling up the holes – that’s all wrong. The sponge idea is a good image but purely metaphorical and I believe we’re trying to get to the nub of this matter, the real thing – the actual workings.

Inside the mind it’s like, well if you imagine you’re standing inside someone’s mind – someone you don’t know that is, if you stood inside that ‘person-that-you-didn’t-know’s’ mind and opened your eyes – sorry, I forgot to say you need to shut your eyes first and then open them only once you’re inside the mind to get the full effect – so, you’re in a mind, you open your eyes and you look around. What you’d see you wouldn’t understand. It’s like a complete mess.

So there’s no apparent structure to a mind?
A lot of people attribute the popular ‘four corners of the mind’ image to its structure. This couldn’t be further from the truth, there aren’t any corners – when did you last see someone with a square head? It’s like there is no front or back of the mind either – it’s all the same space with each point connected to all others.

If it’s not square, is it round?
Sort of, but not exactly, the mind is: like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel -“Windmills of your mind”, that song, is pretty accurate.

My head is spinning. Is it really a windmill?
No. Don’t be daft.

So if it’s not square or round or even a windmill, how does the mind work?
It’s difficult to say without getting too technical.

What if you start with a single thought?
I think that’s the phone going. You’ll have to excuse me.

The line: “Keys that jingle in your pocket, words that jangle in your head,”
That’s what it’s all about. Go on, have a Mind Clearance and jangle some words in the comments box.

mind clearance offer

A lot of people have been sceptical about my abilities this week, well, I’m not a scientist – I can only tell you what I know about this business in layman’s terms – I don’t know how it works, I just know how to work it.

What qualifications do you need to be run a mind business?
I didn’t go to college and have formal training, there is no course that teaches this sort of stuff. I’m not claiming to be an expert but what I do have is 25 years experience – I can strip down a memory, clean it up and put it back together again in less than a minute.

red fox

Often maligned, the red fox
(photo by USFWS courtesy of weforanimals.com)

So you’re the best person to contact?
The information revolution is still in its infancy, it’s like the Wild West out there. People are right to be wary. That’s exactly why I started up the shop, it looks more professional.

Speaking of opening the shop, that bloody paint smell is still the first thing that hits you when you walk through the doors – not the best welcome. Now science has proven that smells are closely linked to memories, that is, aromas can evoke recall. Smells are an aide memoire.

I don’t know why it’s become a French term, I suppose it sounds better than memory aid which could be confused for a fizzy thought drink. I’d like a vodka and memoryade please – woah! enough of those and you would need an aide memoire.

Anyway, what was I on about? Yes, the paint smell – it has the same intoxicating effect – gawd knows what chemicals we’re breathing in. Mind you, Jeff in the paint shop was right, there’s no sign or smell of that damp patch anymore and the walls are looking nice.

Do you actually make any money?
There’s supposed to be some adverts arriving here soon, to brighten the place up as well as help pay for all this set-up, and the price of the paint. I’m sure Jeff overcharged us, I should have a chat to him about that but the Boi tells me he’s on holiday, somewhere in the Carribean.

All those air miles are not going to help with his carbon footprint which reminds me of the original selling point to this post…

mind clearance service

Mind Clearance Offer
Being a green eco company we now also care about the environment. To help save the planet further we are offering you to take a chance – sorry, I mean – a chance to take advantage of our clearing service. If you want to free your mind of old ideas, empty out the tired memories, idle thoughts, we’ll take them off your hands for a small and highly competitive fee.

One last thing…
We are open during normal business hours. Deliveries ‘aat back’ only. Please don’t leave stuff by the front doors when we’re closed. The foxes will get it.

mind stuff logo

A lot of people said to me, “You ain’t going to get a harrods’ queue outside your gaff.” Well guess what? When I turned up this morning there was some bloke in a suit sleeping by the door. Colourful pattern on his tie (and all down his shirt). He couldn’t remember anything so I sold him some late night memories, put him in a cab and sent him off home. First happy customer.

Time waits by Arlington Grey

“Time Waits” by Arlington Grey (1985)
Art on the walls makes a place classy, but
the damp has made this one go all blurry.
I don’t suppose that matters too much with
the abstract stuff.

So, all you cynics and disbelievers – especially ‘biker squid’ down the pub – contrary to your opinions, it looks like the blog’s working and we’re generating interest in the shop.

Are you open then?
We opened the doors today for the first time, I know what you’re thinking, it’s two days before he said he was going to open, I know, I know, there is a reason: we’ve got a damp problem and can’t get the paint to dry. So we had to open the doors. Admitted, the shop ain’t ready, it stinks of damp and wet paint and there’s stuff all over the place – I won’t lie, it looks a mess – but I said to the Boi: the mind business is not all about gloss and glamour, you take it as you find it. Which reminds me, a lot of people are still asking me:

How do you get to your shop?
It’s dead easy, you come out the station, turn right – as if you’re going down towards the main drag – just before you get to the market, hang a left and bang! You’re standing right in front of us.

Anyway, this damp patch looks like some black furry monster trying to squeeze through the brickwork but don’t let that put you off. The Boi’s been trying to paint it over with this new stuff that Jeff down the paint shop reckons will work. At that price Jeff I could have sent the damp patch to the Carribean for an holiday, all-inclusive. Probably would have had a better chance of drying the furry monster out as well.

We lost a fair bit of stock through the water damage.

Can water damage my thoughts and ideas?
Yes, obviously. Only sorrows float.

How can I keep my ideas fresh?
That’s really a secret of the trade but let me just say – cardboard boxes don’t work.

A lot of people aren’t aware that most ideas are only good for a certain period of time – once an idea goes bad you have to get rid of it, i.e. completely destroy it. Since the legislation of the 90s, bad ideas can’t go straight into landfill, that’s illegal, you have to bring them to recognised dealers such as ourselves. We run a clean shop here, that is, once we’ve tidied up and got ourselves straight.

What is that smell and why is it affecting my thoughts?
That’ll be the paint. It’s still drying. Don’t touch the screen until I’ve checked the label.

mind stuff logo

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