Archive for October, 2012

End of an error…

Posted: October 18, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in getting in to the swing of it
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We’ve run out of ideas, the memories have faded, you’ve had all the answers, the imagination has run dry and now we can’t even afford to run the place anymore…

Why’s that?
Oh, didn’t I tell you? Someone burnt down the shop last night. Everything has gone.

Everything?
Yes, and as no one really understood us, so
no would insure us: we weren’t covered, which means all the money has gone.

So I’m not getting paid for this?
Have you ever?

No. So there really is no money?
It’s not as if we had much in the first place,
what we didn’t spend on rent and stock went
on damp-proof paint. The damp won’t be a problem anymore after a fire like that but at least no one was hurt. Someone told me that
Steve the damp patch had already gone away on gap year.

So what now, start again?
To be honest with you, we’ve only got two thoughts to rub together: Who would do such a thing like this? What are we going to do now?

We could have a whip-round, or get a loan from the bank…
No one is going to give us the time of day, let alone some money. We’ve got nothing of value to act as security.

Wait, what about the original idea for sliced bread? Wasn’t that kept in a fire-proof box? We could dig that out of the wreckage and use it as security – why are you shaking your head? No, don’t tell me it was caught in the fire too?
Yes, it was.

The idea for sliced bread – I’m afraid that’s toast.

What is a good idea?

Posted: October 11, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in getting in to the swing of it
Tags: , , , , , ,

Have you seen the new list of guidelines from the Association of Ideas?

Go on then, you sound like you’re going to have a rant, get it out in the open.
Basically this is going to put free-thinking back a thousand years, or at least a couple of weeks – from now on, every idea has to be categorised, bloody labelled!

But you already keep your ideas in boxes.
Yes, for ease of storage and presentation. You can’t have the stock just spread out all over the floor, this is a shop, not a jumble sale. Anyway, these are metaphorical boxes we’re talking about only to be seen in the paperwork – there’s going to be mountains of it.

But surely the paperwork help with the regulation of the Mind business?
Don’t give me that, it’s only the ones who care about the Mind business in the first place that will bother with these new guidelines and while we’re all up to our eyeballs in paperwork, the cowboys will still be out there raking in all the money with their scams which means more complaints, leading to tighter regulation, more paperwork. This is the end, I tell you.

Good grief, doctor doom. It’s a little bit of sorting out.
Tell me, how can you say if an idea is good or bad at the start? Only time can tell that.

You’re acting like a baby – I don’t wanna do this!! It’s too hard!!!
Alright, Squirty cream…

Is that the best insult you’ve got?
No, it’s an example: squirty cream – is it a good idea or a bad idea? It’s rubbish as cream but can be a lot of fun. So where do you put it?

Isn’t that a bit of an embarrassing question?
It’s alright, I’m not going to tie you down to an answer, this is more than fifty shades of grey we’re talking about: not every idea is black and white. Trying to sort this lot out properly is going to be worse than Venn diagrams at school.

It’s a subjective decision, what you think is good I might think is bad.
That wouldn’t bother me at all, you never had any taste in the first place.

I’ll ignore that. Here you are, two boxes; white for good, black for bad. Why are you putting the white box in the black box?
Because it’s a bad idea.

mindstuff logo link

The ‘like’ button,
not the arrow.

Coffee.

I need more coffee. Black and strong, none of that weak stuff. In fact forget the water, that only dilutes it – just give me the jar and a spoon. Mmmph. Mmmph, ‘as better. Yeah, much better. Mmmph.

You’re eating coffee? Are you alright?
Never better.

You look a bit wired. You’re plugged into a video recorder?
I’m trying to keep a clear, wide-awake head.

Oh, you’ve had another one
of those dreams?

No, this one was different. None of that trying
to run with legs like lead, or going out in public without any trousers on; no, none of that low-budget independent stuff. This was a proper full-on dream, no expense spared.

Okay. Good. Right, what are we going
to talk about today?

Hang on, don’t you want to hear it?

No, talking dreams is boring. They’re only interesting to the person who had them.
Not this one. It had everything: it was action-packed; explosions and fireballs – loads of diving out the way; cutting-edge technology – faster than fast cars full of gadgets, driving well over the speed limit down impossibly narrow and twisting streets through the biggest pile of cardboard boxes you’ll ever see; exotic locations – like fantastical places you never imagined existed; the baddies we were up against were really so bad they were downright rotters, zombie rotters to be precise, but we got ’em; AND, and there was romance – Angelina Jolie, Kiera Knightley and some unknown called Hilary from Accounts; there were guest appearances by Pitt, Depp, even Sir Michael Caine – what was that funny line he said… it was classic, had us all in stitches, an absolute classic… erm… no, it’s gone, never mind. I’m telling you, this dream had everything, and more, a brilliant story: there isn’t enough money in the world to pay for all the special effects it had.

Okay, that sounds vaguely interesting, no wonder you’re wired.
Y
ou know what dreams are like: one minute you’re living it, it’s all so real; the next minute the alarm clock goes and everything evaporates. Pooft! Gone. This one’s still fresh in my head, I don’t want to go back to sleep in case I record over it.

Is that why you’re plugged into a video recorder?
No, me and The Boi were trying to work out how to get the dream on to DVD, I reckon we can sell a few.

mindstuff logo link

The ‘like’ button,
not the arrow.