Archive for September, 2012

It’s been strange ever since we won the Liebster award: we’ve had more people coming over but still no one’s got a clue as to what we do here at the mindstuff shop.

This is the place you come to for ideas.

But I can say that until I’m blue in the face, trouble is, no one listens these days. Take this lot over here, staring at the damp on the wall. They’ve been like that for nearly half an hour. Steve (the damp patch) is getting the right hump, it’s been a hard first week partying at Uni and he’s trying to catch up on some sleep:

Steve is normally ‘happy-go-lucky’

TUTOR:
I’ve never seen a Banksie like it, it’s almost three dimensional, dark and furry. The figure itself appears very angry. Opinions?

STUDENT #1:
It’s uncanny how the leery smile on it’s face seems to follow you round the room.

STUDENT #2:
Almost like it’s laughing at us.

TUTOR:
True genius, and look over here: these stacks of tupperware boxes, the neat rows, the regimentation – just like Carl Andre’s bricks at the Tate.

ME:
Can I help you?

TUTOR:
Tell me, what do these boxes represent?

ME:
A lifetime’s hard work; over here we’ve got memories, those are thoughts and on the other side is mainly ideas.

STUDENT #2:
You keep ideas in plastic boxes?

ME:
Yes, they’d go off otherwise.

TUTOR:
Thinking out of a box! Of course! Oh, I’m trying to get my head round this concept but my mind… my mind is literally blown.

ME:
Well I can get you something for that if you want.

TUTOR:
An ‘Idea warehouse’: such a post-ironic statement, I love everything about it: the bleak railway arch feel, this whole concept has a distinct touch of the Warhol’s.

ME:
Alright! Admittedly, there’s a home-made feel to the place but there’s no need to be rude about it.

STUDENT #2:
What’s in this big black rubber box here? Top secret?

ME:
That’s only for use in emergencies.

STUDENT #1:
Can we have a look?

ME:
Is it an emergency?

STUDENT #1:
No.

ME:
Then you’ve got your answer.

STUDENT #1:
Can we take a souvenir?

ME:
What free? We can’t just give everything away.

STUDENT #2:
Is that an original Banksie on the wall?

ME:
No, it’s original damp and it’s trying to get some sleep. Look, this is a shop, you’re supposed to buy something.

TUTOR:
PAH! just another case of commercialism destroying Art.

ME:
Look, how would you like it if I came round your house, wandered about a bit, looked through all your stuff and just asked loads of daft questions? We’ve all got to earn a living somehow.

TUTOR:
How the hell did this place win an award? Right everybody, file out, let’s go. There’s more interesting blogs than this one to go to.

ME:

(??????????)

The cheeky thieving so-and-so’s, they’ve stolen the punchline.

mindstuff logo link

The ‘like’ button,
not the arrow.

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You’ll love this. Satisfaction guaranteed. Even for the cynics.

cute tabby cat snuggling in bed

Troy doesn’t get out of bed for less than 10 000K,
or some munchies.

What!?! This is the most ridiculous concept I’ve ever heard of! An article with no content other than a few headings and catchphrases designed to lure the reader into reading this post and pressing the ‘like’ button? What a cynical ploy – the public will never buy it!
This post is different though. It’s not about empty promises, there really is something in it for the reader at the end.

And what might that be?
Well obviously I can’t reveal ‘what it is’ right at the beginning because then you wouldn’t want to read on, would you?

And what’s to stop me from just scrolling to the end of the post?
Trust. I know I can trust both you and the readers. I mean, what would be the point in getting the answer at the end of this post straight away without reading any of the persuasive argument to back it up? What sort of hollow experience would that be?

Right now I’m not having any experience other than frustration because I don’t know or understand what the hell I’m reading about. Why are you being so obscure about this ‘answer’ at the end of the piece? At least give me a clue.
Okay, it has to do with satisfaction.

That’s good. I want satisfaction. Tell me more.
Little by little, remember? It’s all about delaying gratification. Rationing the information, whetting the intellectual appetite, unravelling the answer slowly…

YES, YES, YES, I know! Just bloody tell me!
“I can’t get no satisfaction”, once sang the Rolling Stones.

But I want satisfaction and now you’re telling me I can’t have it?
But you will my friend, all in good time. This is an interjection – I’ve dangled the carrot and taken it away, thus making the carrot more desirable than ever and in the process piggy-backing a hugely successful cultural phenomenon, i.e. the Rolling Stones which gives the argument gravitas and a more populist slant.

Er… that sort of makes sense
Do you see the effect this is having? You’re more relaxed. The more of this article you read, the calmer you become. But of course, a person of your intellectual standing would easily understand this. Did you notice how I didn’t patronise you then?

That’s right, you complimented me.
Spot on, you’re absolutely right. Well done you!

Thank you.
Now you’re in the right frame of mind I can tell you the secret of achieving satisfaction.

What is it?
It’s persisting and getting to the end of something.

Like this article?
Like this article.

I like it.
Press the button then.

mindstuff logo link

Press the ‘like’ button,
not the arrow.
What are you like?

 

I don’t see why I had to rush back off holiday early. All a bit last-minute, what with having to run after the plane or miss it, what do they reach on the runway? About 200mph? Yes, I really had to go some, and carrying a case too! Only just made it.

Hello!? Who’s that waiting outside the shop? Looks like we got a customer.

Sorry to keep you, had a bit of a long commute, no I don’t always come to work in shorts. Or flip-flops. What are you talking about, funny shirt? This is tame compared to some of the luminous stuff you see paraded about on the high street these days – yes, I read about it on the plane, in Hard Egg News. What’s that? You don’t read it. Well, you should: it’s not a bad blog as it happens. Can you just move to one side so I can get the key in the door and unlock it – there, that’s it. Open for business. Now, what can I do for you?

Your name’s Zoe and you’ve got some questions…

Oh sorry Zoe, I’m not buying at the moment. Eh? you want to ask them not sell them. Well, you do know that a lot of people ask me a lot of questions all the time. I’ll see if I can help. Go on, then, fire away.

Name a book you would read over and over again?
Catch 22, it has obviously been a big influence.

If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be?
That my first two would be fulfilled after a bit of work so that I appreciate them and that my third never be granted so that I always have something to strive for.

Who was your favorite teacher and why?
I don’t really have a favourite. I do know that teachers aren’t only found at schools – I have met many wise and helpful people whilst wandering about the planet.

Where is your favorite vacation spot?
I try not to go back to the same place twice but I am a culture vulture and not a beach bum. Don’t get me wrong, beaches are alright, just not to lay on all day. I’ll be general: I love Scandanavia.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
Putting the duvet cover on. Somehow I end up buttoning myself inside the damn thing.

What is your favorite dessert?
Gulab Jamun: a rose-water and cardamon-infused doughnut type of dessert from the Indian sub-continent region
– if you’ve never had them you’re missing out and all the more for me.

What is your least favorite mode of transportation?
Roller skates, never could master them – ice skates fine.

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Astronaut.

If money was no object where would you live and why?
In a two bed house in the area I’m living now. It’s all I need and I’m happy here.

What is your dream career?
If only more people read and liked my stuff…

What movie do you flat-out refuse to watch, no matter how good people say it is?
My own bio-pic.

Is that it then?

It is. What’s this? It’s an award!?

I had no idea. Zoe, thank you for the nomination. I’m truly honoured. No, I really didn’t know this crowd was going to turn up, nor the crates of champagne. Oh look, canapes. Hang on, I think I might have an old speech somewhere in my pocket, yes, here it is.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Zoe and say that I think her blog:

just english

is very good.

Okay, you can put the spotlight back on me again, I need the heat, I’ve just come back from a hot country a bit sharpish – there’s quite a temperature difference. Now, where was I?

Apart from the usual friends and family, I’d also like to thank all the people who follow the shop, the infrequent customers and those who frequently press the ‘like’ button.
Lastly I’d like to nominate (in no particular order):

backpackology
hovercraftdoggy
I like your art
christophe gowans
tracy loves history
eatmorewords
Jason Shergold music collector
lp cover lover
i could be splendid
moevertures
neglected space

Please take a look at these sites – it was hard to make a final list as there are many good sites out there.

Site owners: thanks for entertaining me, I don’t know if you accept these awards but if you do these are…

Terms and conditions:

Please answer the questions below. Credit your nominator (with a link to their site). Nominate 11 people and use the same questions or write your own.

  1. Name a book you would read over and over again?
  2. If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be?
  3. Who was your favourite teacher and why?
  4. Where is your favourite vacation spot?
  5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
  6. What is your favourite dessert?
  7. What is your least favourite mode of transportation?
  8. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
  9. If money was no object where would you live and why?
  10. What is your dream career?
  11. What movie do you flat-out refuse to watch, no matter how good people say it is?
mindstuff logo link

Avez-vous la guelles de bois?

S’pose I’ll have to get a cabinet made to put the awards in.

Everyone needs time off now and again

Posted: September 5, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in holiday
Tags: , , , , , ,

adios solI think I need a holiday.

Wish I was where?

Posted: September 4, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in holiday
Tags: , , , , ,

nuestro puebloSunny Spain? That sky looks a bit cloudy if you ask me. No thanks, I’d rather stay here. It’s not so different here and it is the same sun we’re both looking at.

I could always put another jumper on.

Ah, that’s better. Did you know six jumpers have the same shielding effect as a Kevlar vest? Google it and see.

I’m not even going to bother talking about comments. I don’t need them. Who needs other humans to communicate with? I don’t miss anyone.

mindstuff logo link

Avez-vous la guelles de bois?

I’m fine, thanks for asking…

Posted: September 3, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in holiday
Tags: , , , , ,

el castillo en la nocheI really don’t mind being left to hold the fort all by myself in this damp dark railway arch while everyone else goes off to sunny and warm places to relax.

I love my work.

Today I’m going to put words in the right order and see if I can make something worthwhile. Like my life.

So, I’m busy.

Don’t you dare interrupt with a comment or a question or any sort of human interaction. I’m quite happy being holed up here, thanks.

mindstuff logo link

Avez-vous la guelles de bois?

from el peñonWhat’s happening!? The postman doesn’t deliver on Sunday. Someone just rung the doorbell – twice!!

And there’s a note under the door. No, it’s a postcard. Again, no writing on it.

What can it mean? Wish you were here… Where is here? In the sea? Why not the land bit? Why three dots, what’s the significance of that. Questions, questions, no one here to answer them. This is Sunday – we’re shut. Only me and the shadows on the wall, the sound of the drips: drip, dripping… drip

drop

drip

drop

 

“Don’t ask me anything. I’m not here.”

Don’t, whatever you do, drip or drop anything in the comment box because it’ll only make things worse.

mindstuff logo link

Avez-vous la guelles de bois?

yucca flowerGot the latest postcard from the Boi. Another  cryptic one with no writing on. He must be having a good time or else his pen’s run out.

I don’t get this picture; “Wish you were here…”, what, on a flower? What’s he trying to say?

Anyway, it’s way too quiet here so I’ve decided to try some reverse psychology, actually Biker Squid down the pub suggested it when
I tried to ask him something. “Don’t ask me anything,” he said.

So, same goes for me: “Don’t ask me anything.”

If, by chance, the reverse psychology works: don’t, whatever you do, put any questions in the comment box because we’ve just had it repainted and don’t want any fingerprints left in it.