FACE UP TO LAST MINUTE THOUGHTS

Posted: August 23, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , , ,

I come across this box of last minute thoughts yesterday. Highly effective stuff, very useful for all sorts of last minute situations such as leaving the house or going on holiday. You know, statistically, if it wasn’t for the last minute most things wouldn’t get done. Which is why these last minute thoughts are essential for husbands and boyfriends on a Christmas shop. We’re even doing a special offer on a guide to the petrol stations of the world (that are open
Christmas Eve). Very handy.

great idea

Hang on a minute lads, I’ve got a great idea.

Oh, so you made it then?

Sorry ’bout that, something came up last minute. What are we on today, health & safety isn’t it?
No, I decided to do something different.

Why isn’t there a lid to this this box?
I dunno, I asked the Boi to find one but for some reason he’s left it open, lord knows why, he’s had all morning.

Ah! that will explain why he gave me these on his way out.
A tea tray and a flimsy elastic band? That’s never going to work. Putting a makeshift lid like that on a heavy box like
this; even securing it with the elastic band, is not going
to make this box secure – anything could fall out. Just like this…

Remember to bend from the legs!
Aw gawd! Me back’s gone, I’ve dropped the box and everything’s spilled on to the floor. I can’t move. No, don’t touch them, I told you those last minute thoughts are highly effective, you can’t let them come into contact with your skin. Get the special thought hoover…

There is no hoover, we’ve only just sent the order in.
Oh crumbs.

In less than sixty seconds you’ll be surrounded by last minute thoughts.
Stand back, it’s alright, I can take it, I’ve had a good life.

Last minute thoughts can’t kill you, can they?
No, not really but the stress of having them can. Here they come. Aargh!!!

Don’t worry, you’re not going anywhere.
I know, where’s the passports? What time’s the plane leave? Who’s got the tickets? Is it 2 or 3 hours earlier we have
to be at the airport? What if it’s raining? Has anyone seen my car keys? I thought you’d organised a babysitter,
hadn’t you?

You’re worrying me. What can I do to help you?
Yellow roses or the dry flowers that have been dyed a mushy lilac colour for an anniversary? Are BBQ charcoal briquettes the must-have birthday gift for any woman? How can you have run out of chocolates, it’s christmas?
What do you mean you don’t gift wrap, I can’t give her the spark plugs in just their bubble-pack, can I? What have I done with my life? Where did the last twenty years go? I’m slipping away. What’s that bright white light I can see on the ceiling?

Oo-er, crikey!
I repaint.

Don’t you mean repent?
No, I changed my mind, last minute.

Avez-vous la guelles de bois?

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