ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT

Posted: June 21, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m not too pleased really. I thought we’d solved the damp problem in this place for good using this special ‘coveralldamp’ paint – it cost an arm and a leg at the time but we went ahead and bought it. Now, according to Jeff at the paint shop, he says we only leased it. He wants more money or the paint returned.

Is he hoping to go back to the Caribbean?
How d’you guess that? But yes, he reckons he found paradise, and love, he misses the place so much that he said he’d go back out there tomorrow if he could but it’s the cost – what with the rising fuel duties – the fond memory of his holiday is all he can afford. I offered to sort some holiday memories out for him to offset the cost of the paint but he weren’t interested. He wants the money, he wants the real thing: Caribbean tastes with a Clacton budget.

So that’s why you’ve scraped all the paint off the walls and put it in a bucket?
Look, we can’t afford to pay what he wants, we’ve got other committments. He’s left us with no choice but to give it back, every last drop – well, flake. I’m sure he can reconstitute it or something.

What is it with students
and road cones?

What about the damp problem?
It’s gone, we got rid of it, sent it to Uni.

How can a damp patch afford the fees?
We’re paying, that’s why we’re otherwise financially tied up: sponsorship, it’s a good advert for the shop as it happens.
Pulls in the student crowd. Apart from the serious learning stuff
we supply, they buy all the old crap too. You know what students are like, they get hours of fun out of a road cone.

Wait, wait, wait. How did a damp patch get in
to University in the first place?

Admitted, he didn’t have the relevant grades at GCSE but he interviews well and he passed the entrance exam.

How??
I told you how the damp affected our stock, remember? Well, it happens the other way round too. The damp, or Steve
as he now wants to be known, has been affected by the stock – he’s been gathering intelligence.

He could start thinking for himself?
Not at first, it was all a bit random what he took in – basically whatever was left leaning against a wall. But once he reached a certain level of intellect he could start to pick and choose what to study. Steve specialised in modern history: he’s not too hot on the facts and dates, he sees world events more from a personalised point of view.

Through old memories?
Exactly but social history is all the rage at the moment. Your kings and queens are just bit characters compared to the glossy world of celebrity these days, you could say they were ‘history’.

And Steve is the future?
I don’t know, we’ll have to see what grades he gets.

mind clearance

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