Posted: May 21, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , , , , , ,

We had a visit from the boys in blue today, they were looking for answers. I said they’d come to the right place and showed them a selection of what we had. But the coppers weren’t satisfied, apparently they weren’t the sort of answers they were looking for.

Picky sods! There was nothing wrong with these answers, maybe they were using the wrong sort of questions – me and my big mouth.

“Would you mind awfully if we
asked you some questions sir?”

What’s through that door?
’Aat back’.

The warehouse: the shop is just the tip of the iceberg.

Of course, their eyes lit up then because they wanted to have an explore, didn’t they. Luckily, without the correct warrant – plus my concerns for
their wellbeing, in accordance with health & safety – meant that I couldn’t let them.

I said they had to remain in the doorway. That’s where the worst of the damp was, to be honest, it weren’t too pleasant to stand next to and they didn’t look amused. So, in the spirit of co-operation I said the Boi would
bring out front whatever they wanted from ‘aat back’.

Now, the Boi don’t like being told what to do. He’s got his own system for how he does things (I think it’s called ‘slowly’) and he can be a moody so-and-so at times – I don’t get involved, I just let him get on with it. The coppers would soon work this out.

How wrong could you be?
One of the coppers had a bit of a keen eye, the first lot of answers they pulled – suspicious:

Fertilizer, Chelsea, Tube station

The Queen, Goodbye, End of the month,

Now or never, Password, Jeremy Clarkson

I ain’t no detective, but my opinion was that these answers looked suspiciously like they were from a pub quiz. But they didn’t want opinions nor answers; now they were only after one thing – the questions. If they were expecting to find them in the same place as the answers they were very much mistaken – the Boi’s got a system, it could take years.

They took one look at the Boi’s face and realised it weren’t going to happen, they’d have to make do with what they’d got. So, they told me to watch it and were about to leave in a huff when the one with the keen eye noticed something else – an open pack of lies.

What have we here?
To tell the truth, officer, they’re lies, everything there is a lie.

That had him flummaxed.

I elaborated: white lies, harmless little white lies. See for yourself.

He did.

I weren’t kidding. The lies were completely innocent. So he knocked the box onto the floor, scattering the ‘whiter-than-white’ contents all over the dirty floor. The police left in a huff – the one that’d been idling outside.

So, a lucky escape?
You could say that. If they’d have looked a bit closer, they would have found the damned lies stacked next to the statistics. Then they would’ve ripped this place apart.

Ever had a close shave or lucky escape?
mind clearance


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