MOAN MOAN MOAN MOAN MOAN

Posted: April 7, 2012 by Harry Moonbeam in Early days yet...
Tags: , , , , ,

We haven’t had one single customer today.

I’m here, what’s the latest?
Yes, well, I’ve spent some time ‘aat back’, getting me hands dirty – I hate doing that. This should have been a fun day but it was one of the worst times I’ve had in years.

Why so?
Me and The Boi, we opened up this old box marked ‘Pleasant Surprises’ and it weren’t. Instead, it was full of moans. You have not seen anything so rotten in all your days. Oh! putrid it was. And the smell! Well, we couldn’t sell any of it so it turned into a disposal job – easier said than done. Especially after we’d accidentally tipped them over the floor.

'How long do I have to sit here?'
She never knew when to stop!

That’s not the end of the world, surely?
Normally The Boi is good-natured and we’d have a laugh about a situation like this but it was different today – moaning everywhere. You see moans are like that bit of sticky tape that clings to your fingers and you can’t seem to get rid of, except for on someone else – that’s not stopping the problem, it’s merely passing it on. You moan, someone listens, you feel better but the listener now needs to moan to someone else.

Is that why I’m here, because there’s been no one else to moan to?
Well no, there was a couple in earlier. I told them to watch where they were treading on account of the moan spillage but they didn’t listen. Stepped right in it and then started complaining about how expensive everything was.

How do your prices compare?
We’re the best, of course. The thing is, the public has fallen in love with cheap goods but when cheap goods break down really quickly, what does everyone say?
“They don’t make things like they used to.”

Doesn’t the phrase: “You get what you pay for” mean anything?

This moaning has affected you badly, isn’t it time to ‘cheer up’…
Sometimes I almost lose the will, you know what I mean?

Oh come on, surely it can’t be all that bad?
No, you’re right, we have had a few people in, but they’ve all been tourists – no paying customers. I mean, how would you like it if I came round your house, wandered about a bit, looked through all your stuff, asked some stupid questions and then just left?

You’re moaning again, this is a shop and isn’t that called browsing?
No, browsing is what people do on the internet, not in real life. No one shops for real these days, it’s all e-this and e-that, electronic commerce.

Shouldn’t you ‘get-with-the-times’?
Let’s just say I prefer to deal with people face-to-face and not through an interface. Shopping online – eCommerce – it’s all a big con anyway, The Boy got scammed the other week, sent off for an ewok.

And it didn’t arrive?
No, he got sent some Chinese frying pan.

Groan!! I should have seen that coming. Are you happy now?
Yes, I suppose.

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